What Do You Really Want?

James 4:1-10

4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us[? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts,you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

What Do You Really Want?

Message #9: What Do You Really Want
James 4:1-10

READ: James 4:1-10 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

“I encourage you to accept that you may not be able to see a path right now, but that doesn't mean it's not there.” ― Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limits

Key Questions to ask to those people that are closest to you:
1. What do I really want from that person?
2. What am I willing to give to that person?

These are the same questions you can ask in your relationship with Jesus as well. Most of our conflicts in this life are directly tied to our expectations.

To resolve conflicts, repent of your sinful selfishness and humble yourself before God.
There are four sections:
1. To resolve conflicts, be aware of your selfish motives (4:1-3).
2. To resolve conflicts, turn away from the world, give total allegiance to God, and humbly seek His grace (4:4-6).
3. To resolve conflicts, submit to God, resist the devil, and in God’s presence repent of all your sins (4:7-10).
4. To resolve conflicts, stop judging others and submit to God’s Word (4:11-12).

Dealing with the first section, let’s examine our selfish motives.
A. Self versus yourself are at the heart of all relational conflicts.

Remember this: you are your own worst enemy because of the selfishness that you are naturally born with. BUT if you have given your life over to God and become a follower of Jesus, He has placed His Spirit within you to do battle with the self-centered, selfish part of us. We know that greater is he that is in us than an evil force in this world!

So… how do we change?

B. Be willing to tackle the habits that are hard to break
Habits are a four-step process:
1. First, there is a Cue (unknown need) that stimulates a Craving (a known desire “the click”)
2. This Craving then triggers a Routine (natural path to get wants fulfilled).
3. This conditioned Routine/Pattern, stored in our basal ganglia, is ignited to satisfy our Craving.
4. Finally, there is a Reward (desire fulfilled) that reinforces the habit by causing our brain to judge the routine worth remembering and repeating.

We have self-centered learned patterns that remain in the brain even IF you are being transformed by Christ in the renewing of your mind as it talks about in Romans 12:1-2. It is as though somehow, the brain retains a memory of the habit context, and this pattern can be triggered if the right habit cues come back. The hardest part of breaking a bad habit is knowing when we aren’t making a deliberate choice, but rather one out of habit. We must force our cerebral cortex to participate in the decision-making process, or we will be stuck repeating bad habits.

These habits are born out of deepest core needs.
The 7 Desires of the Heart by Mark & Debra Laaser:
1. To be heard and understood
2. To be affirmed
3. To be blessed
4. To be safe
5 . To be touched
6. To be chosen
7. To be included

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” John C. Maxwell

QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
1. How aware are you of your own selfish tendencies? What do you do when you realize they are conflicting with your desire to obey Jesus?
2. What are the habits that are helping you draw close to Jesus and find His strength, joy, and peace?
3. What are those habits that are tripping you up at this time?
4. How much do you really want Jesus AND His help and direction for your life?